Stalemate
by Wyltk
Summary: Endymions thoughts while brainwashed in Beryl's castle.


Hey! This was written for SMRFF(Sailor Moon Romantic Fan Fiction)'s Mamo-Week!

1. DISCLAIMER: I don't own Sailor Moon or 3 Doors Down's song, When I'm Gone. No suing

2. This is set betwixt a number of time lines. Well depending on your point of view. Due to very little Sailor Moon access, I can only remember main details of each episode, and sometimes not even that. So This story takes place in the first season between the crystal episodes and the fight at Beryl's castle. You should get a better feel of the time as you go along. 

3. I did a bit of searching on the net and wanted to let anyone who hasn't checked out the meaning of Mr. Chiba's roses, to go to the nearest search engine *I recommend Google* and type in "Meaning Roses". I assure you whoever did the roses in the anime where very VERY correct to use the choices they did. So check it out!

5. This song rocks-get the CD or something and listen to it! *if you haven't already*

6. Rating is no higher then PG so no worries! Kid friendly!

Stalemate

By Wyltk

~*~

There's another world inside of me that you may never see.  
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.  
Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find.  
Maybe it's too far away or maybe I'm just blind, maybe I'm just blind.

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.  
Everything I am and everything in me  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be.  
I'll never let you down even if I could.  
I'd give up everything if only for your good. 

~*~

I looked up from the parchment in front of me towards the door to my chamber. Beryl's lower floors were sometimes as frigid as the women herself and that's were she decided my chamber would be. However the thought barely caught my attention when I turned it back towards the door listening to the creature that chanced the frigid temperatures of the lower floors as it moved past my door. 

I turned back around and regarded the letter in front of me with a hint of bemusement. I didn't even know to whom I was addressing it. Not Beryl, Beryl would certainly find some sort of torture for me if I showed her this. I often wondered why I could never truly relax in my 'home'. I was always looking for the next creature ready to kill me. And most often or not the answer would turn out to be Beryl in some way.

Even stranger was the fact I could easily relax in the presence of my enemies. The Sailor Senshi were as powerful as I, but with youma at my beck and call I could easily defeat them. And yet we seemed to be at a permanent stalemate. The strange urges I got to protect the five women made it worse. How was I to destroy someone I wanted to protect?

~*~

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.  
You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there,  
So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone  
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin.  
I won't tell you a thing that I could not tell my friends. 

Now roaming through this darkness I'm alive but I'm alone.  
Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.  
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.

~*~

I made no outwards signs that I was tired of my thoughts but signed the letter. I quickly sealed it with wax and placed a rose over the seal. The rose was the same silky black they had always been, at least since I remember. There was a time when I saw it turn a dark crimson color.* 

I never understood why it changed though. I know a black rose means death. I often wonder if it's foretelling the death of myself, one of my enemies, or if it's foretelling a death at all. Perhaps my heart is so dead from being in this place that it is not foretelling death but showing it, inside me.

I stood up quickly unwilling to let myself dwell on the mystery of one insignificant rose. After all I hade more important tings to worry about, such as Beryl calling me with her weird bells she has connected to this place. I stuffed the rose and note into my breast pocket and opened my door my cape swishing around my daunting form. I gave a small smirk, knowing any creature would wish to stay away from me, would go out of there way to do so. And what's power when you don't use it?

~*~

Everything I am and everything in me.  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be,  
Ill never let you down even if I could.  
I'd give up everything if only for your good. 

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong  
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there,  
So love me when I'm gone.   
(Maybe I'm just blind) 

~*~

Beryl sent me out on another mission to get the Sailor Senshi again. But I was stalling as long as possible before I started my attack. It had been so long since I was allowed out of the Beryl's icy castle. Besides the park I was to attack had a rose garden. I had every right to enjoy the flowers before they were destroyed. 

With a sigh I readied myself to call a youma when I saw a small girl staring at me. Her bright blue eyes shining into mine. They were bright eyes, one of the brightest blues I had ever seen and yet deep within them I could see darkness, like tears unwilling to be released. Why would such a lovely creature hold such sadness? 

But now that I remember this wasn't the first time I had seen the girl. No, I have seen her before, at the hot springs resort. She had those same eyes then, those crystal blue, teary eyes. Haunted eyes, eyes that could brake me down with a single look. 

While my thoughts floated she had gotten up brushing my arm as she walked past me. For a moment I caught her looking straight through to my soul before a shudder past her frame and she disappeared along the path. I hated that shudder. Why had she need to shudder in my presence? I had done nothing to her, and yet, something inside told me I had done everything. I was the reason for her every tear, what a peculiar feeling, when you feel the reason for all the wrongs done to one small girl.

~*~

So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.  
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone.  
Everything I am and everything in me,  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be. 

I'll never let you down even if I could.  
I'd give up everything if only for your good.  
So hold me when I'm here right me when I'm wrong.  
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there.  
So love me when I'm gone, 

~*~

"Hurry, get out of here. Go back to being an ordinary girl and find a new boyfriend." 

"But Mamoru you're the best."*

"Mamoru! Endymion! You can't die! Please!"

Usagi fell limp on his chest holding him tightly as she sobbed. She leaned forward ready to press a kiss to his lips when she pulled back again. She couldn't kiss him. Not when her friends hadn't kissed their loved ones. Never… With a sigh she smoothed his brow and started to get up a determined furrow to her brow. 

Her hand struck something as she pushed lightly off Endymion's chest. Quickly her hand darted into the pocket there and took out the parchment stained red by his blood. With a shudder she broke the seal holding tightly to the thorn rose. 

'Love me when I'm gone.'

The End

*A Dark Crimson rose means mourning, fitting don't you think?

*Gotten from online fan sub of episode 45 found, 

Hope you enjoyed this song fic, I can't say I worked to hard on it cause truthfully it was one of the easiest, inspiration wise, I've had to write in a long time. 

Wyltk

Reviews are always appreciated and looked forward to with eager expectation. 


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